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Are you now, or have you ever been, in relationships with family, friends, or mates who have been verbally abusive? Is your happiness with someone you love continually threatened by interactions that continually undermine your self-esteem? Do you feel trapped in a relationship that keeps decaying in a downward spiral of overt or passive-aggressive abuse? If so, this book could be your life raft, either carrying you toward repair of the existing relationship or the effects of past relationships or offering liberation from your current confusion. Its practical approach can help clear your head and possibly change your life. The only criticism that I and other readers have is that the author assumes verbal abuse is almost always directed by males toward females, which, in my experience and that of others I know, is not necessarily the case. Highly Recommended.
Captures Verbal Abuse
I thank Patricia Evans for writing this insightful book on verbal abuse. As a highly educated and fairly confidant woman, I refused to believe I was the "victim" of verbal abuse after a 6 month relationship ended. My grieving was unusual in that, not only did I miss him, but I felt my ego had been completely shattered- and I could not undertand why. After all, I had experienced break ups in the past. My roommates advised me to get help and I bought this book. And then everything became clear. I began to write down all the cruel things he had said to me and realized that his lines were delivered with such subtelty that I didn't even realize what was happening to me. It was only until I read them that I stood back shocked at just how abusive he had been. The "confusion" which characterizes this type of abuse was more than prevalent during our courtship. I am just beginning to feel like myself again, and in large part, it's because Evans' bookd my eyes to the profound impact verbal abuse can have on a person. I RECOMMEND THIS BOOK TO ANYONE WHO FEELS THEY MIGHT BE EXPERIENCING/EXPERIENCED VERBAL ABUSE. My only wish is that I had read it sooner and found ways to address the abuse during the dating experience. It is so easy to deflate someone and so difficult to build a person back up again. If it's happening to you, or to a friend, stop it in its tracks by reading this book.
This is a posting from a previous review.
The following is a quote from a previous review, which closely reflects my feeling of this book."This is an important subject and many people need help and guidance in changing abusive relationships. However, the book has some serious flaws. While the author describes verbally abusive relationships quite well, she is so intent on helping the victim feel supported that she encourages them to feel that the problem in the relationship is all the fault of the other party. She doesn't consider the possibility that both partners are verbally abusive to each other, (Which in my experience as a psychotherapist is frequently the case). She does not look closely at provoking behaviors of the victim. She also approaches the problem from a rather extreme feminist perspective. She states that verbal abuse is almost always directed at women by men. She states that verbal abuse is part of a larger problem called patriarchy. Since every known culture could be described as patriarchal, we might expect we have to join a crusade to change the world to solve the problem, although the author does present some practical solutions. She is overly political in trying to line up the patriarchal, abusive, male, hierarchical, and yes even environmentally polluting forces against the mutual, loving, supportive, feminine forces. She is rather grandiose in claiming that this is the first book on the subject of verbal abuse and in multiplying her number of subjects (40) by the average length of their relationship (16 years ) and then claiming that the book represents 640 years of experience. This is silly. The data here is strictly anecdotal with no apparent effort at preventing bias. While the book will offer much needed support to verbally abused women, it will also, I am afraid encourage them to blame their partner for all problems in the relationship and not become more introspective. The book will turn off non-feminists as well as the partners of the women who are its audience. The book also exaggerates the cause and effect relationship between verbal abuse (very broadly defined here) and physical abuse."
(end quote) I might add that Patricia generalizes to the point that it appears, that if you have ever had a relationship or are in a relationship with someone then you are guilty of "abuse". Example; if you, have shown any kind of emotion, anger, frustration, sadness or even NOT shown emotion toward another person (woman) you are an "abuser". I am sorry but "abuse" is a very strong word and should not be used so freely. To sum up this book; (as a man) After reading it, I felt like I had just been abused.
verbal abusive is so very true a great book
Thank you for this book it save my life to an abuser who
control my life my feelings he humilated me brain wash my
daugther. My self esteem is back in check I'm stronger
I love myself I am in a custody battle with my husband he
trying to take my daughter away from me. Play mind games
and making threats this book help me to deal these issues
without losing control. I'm in a process of a divorce in which
I initiate. I'm being harrass by him the book help me to get
in control of my situation. He constantly verbal abuse me and still is doing it but I'm dealing with that thru my lawyer. I e-mailed
you before and you gave me good advice and I took it. I'm
feeling alot better now because the longer I stayed with him the
sicker I got. I'm well now this book brought be along way\
Thanks Patricia for writing this book and may God Bless you
Ms W L Pete
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